


Collateral Beauty

by TheMedJack



Category: The Maze Runner Series - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Day At The Beach, Graduation, M/M, Newt loves Astronomy, SOFT Heart to hearts, Senior year, Subtle Brenderesa, Teresa is the Mom Friend, Thomas can't cook, Thomas is confused, star-gazing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-21 06:25:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17038445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMedJack/pseuds/TheMedJack
Summary: Thomas helps his friends start to prepare for their college graduation on Saturday, but only one thing seems to preoccupy his mind: Newt is moving back to London after graduation.In a panic, Thomas tries his hardest to hide his worry and mask his conflicted feelings, all while trying to find a meaningful way to say goodbye to Newt before he leaves.





	1. Under the Stars

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sulfuric](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sulfuric/gifts).



> HAPPY TMR SECRET SANTA 2018!!!! I love you all to the ends of the Earth and I hope you enjoy!!!
> 
> For = Jamie!!  
> From = Your Secret Santa <3

_“I’m moving.”_

_“What?” Thomas said, sure he’d misheard Newt’s voice against the kind breeze. He turned his head from where he lay on the grass, its sharp blades poking at his cheeks. It didn’t seem to bother him, though, from the expression on his face that displayed nothing but doubt and dismay._

_In silence, Thomas watched as Newt turned to meet his stare. Despite the darkness of the night and the dim light of the shrouded crescent moon, Thomas found himself lost in Newt’s gaze. His heart sank in his chest, stealing the breath from his lungs as he noticed Newt’s sincerity._

_“What?” Thomas repeated when Newt failed to answer. All the blonde was able to do was continue to stare at Thomas in a heavy silence._

_Newt swallowed. “After we graduate this semester,” He started, averting his eyes as to avoid Thomas’ stare, “I’m moving back to London.”_

_All at once, Thomas felt the inevitable pain as Newt’s words struck him like a dagger to the heart. Tension rose and spread across his body as he pushed himself up onto his elbows, no longer able to remain on the ground. He hoped that Newt couldn’t see the glisten in his eyes as tears threatened to fall. “How long?”_

_Mimicking Thomas’ movement, Newt slowly sat up and shot Thomas a questioning look. “How long…what?”_

_Thomas’ face was unreadable, his eyes now glassed over as he tried to focus on the tree behind Newt’s shoulder rather than him. “How long have you known?”_

_“I…” Newt said as he pulled his knees into his chest and wrapped his arms around them. “A year, maybe?”_

_“A year?!” Thomas gasped, his stoic face suddenly giving way as it contorted into exasperated sadness. “You’ve known for a whole year and you didn’t tell any of us?”_

_“I know, it was probabl-“_

_“Why didn’t you tell us sooner?”_

_Newt inhaled sharply, his breath growing shaky as he exhaled slowly. “I tried, Tommy,” He nearly whispered, a single tear rolling down his cheek, “I tried so many times, believe me. I just…I couldn’t bring myself to do it, knowing how upset you’d all be. I’m sorry, I…I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you before.”_

_Thomas wasn’t sure how long he’d stared, or how much time had passed as the pair sat in silence together under the shining stars. The world around him slowly faded away, blurring into nothingness until only a black abyss remained. He couldn’t feel the breeze against his face, or the cold grass beneath his legs. He couldn’t even hear the distant ocean waves as they crashed against the shoreline by their school. He felt nothing._

_“Tommy,” Newt asked softly, the hesitation in his voice clear. “Please say something.”_

_As if all time had slowed, Thomas turned to face Newt. He was ready to yell and scream and shout and cry…but when he caught the helpless expression on Newt’s face, all that pent up rage vanished in an instant. An overwhelming wave of guilt rushed through Thomas as he leaned forward and threw himself against Newt, nearly knocking him over. Pulling Newt tightly into his embrace, Thomas took a deep breath and managed to squeeze out on last phrase before he started to sob. “I’ll miss you Newt, I’ll miss you every day.”_

_Streaks of tears fell down Thomas’ face as he felt Newt relax in his arms and hug him back. Then Newt either let out a laugh or cry, Thomas wasn’t sure which, as he replied. “I’ll miss you too, Tommy.”_

“Mr. Murphy.” 

”Mr. Murphy.”

_”Thomas!”_

Thomas jerked awake, blinking repeatedly as his head shot up from where it rested on his desk. Heart racing from the shock, Thomas glanced around the room and quickly recognized it as his biology lecture. He locked eyes with Minho, who sat next to him, silently pleading for help as their professor continued to call out Thomas’ name. Minho raised his arms in a helpless gesture, shaking his head side to side with an apologetic look on his face. 

Nerves growing, Thomas hesitantly turned to look back to the front of the room. He found his professor looking directly at him with a menacing stare, arms crossed tightly across her chest. “Perhaps if Mr. Murphy hadn’t fallen asleep during today’s lecture, he’d know how to define isovolumetric ventricular contraction.” 

The professor turned her back to the class as she stalked back to the chalkboard in the front of the room. Her hand had barely grasped the nearest piece of chalk when a voice filled the silent lecture hall. 

“It’s the contraction of the heart’s ventricles at the start of the systole phase.” Thomas said, confidence laced in his voice as he continued, “The ventricles start to contract, which is what builds the pressure to later open the pulmonary and aortic valves of the heart in order to push out the blood.” 

Thomas watched as their professor slowly turned to face him again, the anger and annoyance on her face very apparent. But with a single deep breath, she pushed it away to regain her stoic demeanor. “Correct, Mr. Murphy.” 

“Damn,” Minho whispered from this side as he gave him a playful nudge on his shoulder with a fist, “Savage, Thomas.” 

Thomas tried to stifle his chuckle as he turned to give Minho a fist-bump. But for the remainder of class, however, the elation from his comeback quickly dissipated and was replaced by the all-too-familiar emptiness in his stomach. His thoughts drifted back to Newt, and the night they’d spent out on the field behind his apartment. The night Newt first told him that he was moving away. 

That was months ago, at the very start of the semester. It’d been much colder then. And now here Thomas sat, he and his friends only days away from their college graduation…the number of days Thomas had left with Newt able to be counted on a single hand. 

Where had the time gone?


	2. Beginning of the End

“Where the hell is Newt?” Minho groaned, leaning over both sides of his chair to impatiently scan the room. When no sign of the boy could be found, Minho turned back towards the table and heaved a defeated sigh. 

Without moving his head, Thomas continued to discreetly scan the room for the blonde, keeping his ears directed towards the conversation at the lunch table. 

“Calm down, Minho,” Teresa laughed as she drove her fork deep into her salad. The greens crunched, sticking to the silverware as she pulled a scoop back towards her mouth. “He and Bren have that calculus four exam, remember? They probably stayed past the exam slot to finish up. And what’s the rush, anyways?” She asked, mouth full as she chewed. 

“What’s the rush? _What’s the rush?_ ” Minho scoffed, waving his arms in the air in an exaggerated manner. He looked to Thomas for help, but rolled his eyes when he was met with the same confused look as Teresa’s. “We need to do something special for Newt before he flies back to London on Sunday. I wanna ask him what he wants to do. It’s gonna be _his_ going-away party, after all.” 

“What if he doesn’t want a party?” Teresa asked, gesturing with her fork towards Minho before shoveling another bite of salad into her mouth. “Newt has never really been the party type.” 

“Oh he’s getting a party,” Minho declared as he shook his head in disagreement. “Doesn’t have to be huge, it could just be us, but we’re not about to let him leave without doing _anything_.” 

“Hmph,” Teresa shrugged, now toying with the cherry tomatoes she’d picked out of her salad and placed on a napkin. “Let’s just wait and see what he says.” 

As if on cue, Thomas caught the sound of two pairs of footsteps approaching the table from behind. He turned, resting his elbow on the back of his chair. Minho and Teresa noticed his movement and followed Thomas’ gaze, smiles growing on their faces at the sight of Brenda and Newt approaching the table. Together, the pair flopped down into the empty chairs at the table. Thomas’ heart jumped when Newt sat down next to him, letting his bag thud loudly against the floor. 

With a loud groan, Newt threw his arms on the table and let his head fall forward onto them. Brenda laughed, resting her elbow on the table so she could prop her own head up with a single hand. With the other, she reached over and pat Newt’s shoulder repeatedly. 

“Yikes,” Thomas said, leaning forward slightly as he stared at Newt with concern, “How’d it go?” 

“That exam was rubbish,” Newt muttered into the sleeve of his shirt, his words slightly muffled but still understandable. 

“You got that right,” Brenda yawned as her eyes slowly fluttered shut. “Worst one by far.” 

Teresa made an empathetic face as she slid a pre-packaged cookie to each of them. “Well, at least you’re done with that horrid class forever.” 

When Newt sat up to reach for the cookie, only Thomas noticed when he discretely wiped a tear from the corner of his eye. In that moment, Thomas felt a pang of sadness strike him in the chest. He wanted nothing more than to hold Newt, to comfort him, to tell him that it’s okay to be upset about it, and that it’ll all be okay in the end. He knew how tough Newt could be on himself sometimes, despite the charming demeanor he tends to uphold nearly every day. 

Instead of asking in front of their friends, Thomas slyly slid his phone out of his pocket and sent Newt a text. _You good, Newt?_ He set his phone in his lap and waited, watching Newt as he ripped open the plastic bag and shoved over half the cookie into his mouth in one go. 

Thomas chuckled under his breath, eyeing Newt as he devoured the rest of the cookie. He couldn’t help but notice how matted down and untended Newt’s hair looked today, probably from Newt running his hand through it in frustration during the exam. There was one blonde strand that dangled in Newt’s face, and Thomas had to bury the urge to reach over and push it out of his face. His hair always looks so soft. 

“Yo, Thomas, you in there bud?” Minho teased as he reached over and poked Thomas’ forehead a few times. “Hear what I said?” 

“Uh,” Thomas shook his head, quickly clearing his mind, “No, sorry.” 

“Man what’s with you today?” Minho pried, eyeing Thomas with a curious look. He shoved a handful of chips in his mouth as he waited for an answer. 

“Didn’t sleep well last night,” Thomas lied with a shrug. “What’d you say before?” 

“I asked if you were free tomorrow night, after the graduation ceremony,” Minho said with a roll of his eyes. 

“Oh,” Thomas said, “Uh, yeah, I think so.” 

“That settles it then,” Minho declared, a satisfied smile growing on his face. He shifted his gaze to Newt, who was just finishing the last bite of his cookie. “Newt, tomorrow night is your night. What do you wanna do?” 

Newt raised his eyebrows in surprise, a confused smile growing on his lips. “What do you mean?” 

“You’re leaving, shuck-face! We should have a goodbye-party for you or something. Whatever you want,” Minho offered, before sneakily adding, “As long as it’s a party” under his breath. 

“Hm,” Newt huffed a short laughed, amused, “I shouldn’t be surprised as I am. Minho turns nearly any occasion into a party.” 

“Hell yeah I do,” Minho grinned, shifting in his seat with anticipation. “So? What do you think?” 

Thomas watched as Newt stared Minho down, Teresa and Brenda doing the same. 

“Well seeing that it sounds like you’ll throw a party even if I say no,” Newt laughed, shaking his head, “A party it is.” 

“YES!” Minho cheered, standing up from the table and thrusting his arms into the air in victory. The others joined in, laughing as Newt rolled his eyes at the group. 

“Let’s hope I don’t regret saying that,” Newt sighed, looking down as he pulled out his phone and scrolled through his notifications. Thomas noticed he stopped at one in particular, choosing to open it and quickly type something in response. Holding his breath as he clutched his own phone in his lap, Thomas waited for the telling vibrate of a new message. 

Thomas had almost given up hope when Newt placed his phone face-down on the table, but just moments later he felt the vibration he’d been anticipating. Quickly scooping up his phone, Thomas typed in his passcode and tapped the notification to see it was a response from Newt. 

_Yeah, just a little bummed. It’s alright though._

After reading the message, Thomas glanced back up towards Newt to find the blonde staring back at him with waiting eyes. He offered Thomas a small but grateful smile before turning back to the others. Thomas smiled back, heart racing in his chest as he did. 

What was Thomas going to do without Newt?


	3. One Late Night

Thomas groaned to himself, crumpling the piece of torn-out notebook paper in his hand. He’d been at the mall for nearly two hours now without any luck at all. 

After Newt left lunch to go take his astronomy exam, the group had decided to each get Newt a goodbye gift for him to open at the party. Teresa and Brenda offered to drive both Thomas and Minho to go shopping, but Thomas respectfully declined, saying that he needed to get some other stuff done at home first. This was just something he wanted to do on his own. 

Just after lunch, Thomas had gone home to compile a list of gift ideas for Newt while he watched television. He’d tried thinking of ideas on his own at first, but that proved to be too difficult a task. Within minutes, Thomas had his laptop and notebook out, feverishly searching the internet for better ideas than his own. 

But there was one problem. 

When Thomas went to type a phrase into Google, he found himself stuck on what to type after “Good going away presents for.” The first option the web browser provided was “friend.” Thomas went to click on that option, but hesitated when his cursor reached the word. Something about it didn’t feel quite right. Of course Newt was his friend, one of his closest, in fact, but “friend” wasn’t enough to describe what Newt meant to Thomas. He was…more than that, in some way, but Thomas just didn’t know how. 

He first met Newt freshman year of college when they’d been housed in the same dorm building. Thomas had been up late one night cramming for his intro to biology exam, when he stumbled across this blonde-haired boy after entering the study lounge. 

_”What are you doing?” Thomas asked the boy, who’d set up an entire area right next to the large window that stretched across the entire back wall. He had a foldable easel sitting in front of him, a large canvas resting on top at an angle so that Thomas couldn’t see what was on it._

_The boy looked back at him, eyebrows quirked and a smile growing on his lips. “The sky. Well, actually Ursa major if you want to be specific.”_

_Thomas frowned. “Ursa what?”_

_“Major,” The boy chuckled, gesturing to the night sky with his used paintbrush. “You know, the Big Dipper?”_

_“Oh, cool,” Thomas said, nodding his head in understanding. “Can I see it?”_

_The boy looked at him with a surprised expression, but quickly smiled again with a happy “Sure!”_

_Thomas worked his way around the easel until he was standing just over the boy’s shoulder, and what he saw before him made him gasp aloud. While only half the white canvas was painted, the section that was done looked exactly like a photograph. There weren’t just blacks and whites, but blues and purples and indigoes. He’d even included the moon and the clouds that covered it, perfectly capturing the eerie scene outside. “Wow,” Thomas breathed, his eyes not leaving the painting, “That’s…really beautiful. Are you an art major?”_

_The boy laughed, his voice like chiming bells, as he shook his head. “No, I’m an astronomy major actually. I just like to paint in my free time.”_

_“Well that makes sense too, I guess,” Thomas said, smiling back at the boy. “What’s your name?”_

_“Newt,” The boy answered, looking Thomas up and down, “What about you?”_

_“I’m Thomas,” Thomas replied._

_“Well it’s nice to meet you, Tommy!” Newt grinned._

After that night, Thomas and Newt had become inseparable. Nearly every evening, they’d meet in the basement study lounge to see each other. They didn’t have any classes together, with Newt taking mostly math, physics and planetary science courses and Thomas taking mostly biology and chemistry courses. So this was their only time to hang out together. 

Most nights, the pair simply sat at the same table and complained about their homework as they did it. It made for a good bonding experience, constantly trashing their professors and pulling all-nighters to cram for difficult exams. But then there were other nights, where they sat alone in the corner of the room, all overheads lights off. With only the light of the moon and stars shining in, they’d talk. Nothing more, nothing less. Just talk. About school, about life, about their pasts, about their futures, about their worries, about their problems. 

They told each other anything and everything for the entire four years they knew each other. Well, nearly everything. 

So “friend” definitely wasn’t an option. Not even “closest friend” or “best friend” felt like it made the cut. So instead, Thomas had scrolled down the other options Google provided, stopping at the word “brother.” No, that wasn’t it either. Thomas had a brother, Chuck, and the way he felt towards him certainly wasn’t the same way he felt towards Newt. Not in the slightest. He had to scroll again, making it all the way to the end of the list before reaching the final available option. 

“Good going away present for boyfriend.”

Thomas blushed, taken aback by his hesitation to refute the option. His mind told him to just scroll back up to “best friend.” And yet he just sat there, frozen in time, as if he’d been struck by something hard across the head. Thomas’ heart fluttered as he read the option again, his hand unconsciously moving the cursor to hover over it on the screen. 

Is this how he saw Newt? 

Thomas didn’t have a chance to answer his own question before he clicked the option. He scrolled through site after site, searching for anything that stuck out to him as something Newt would love. But he hadn’t found anything. So after about an hour, Thomas had given up and decided to simply write down a few ideas form the sites he thought were okay and head to the mall. 

And now here he stood, circling the entire building for the second time, searching for anything that would mean something to Newt. Thomas wanted his gift to be special, to mean something other than just a going away present. He cared more about Newt than anyone else, and he wanted to make sure Newt knew that and would never forget it. 

It wasn’t until the end of the night that something in the display window of a camping store caught his attention. He walked up to it, eyeing the item, a thoughtful smile growing on his face. This was it, he could feel it. 

Within minutes, it was purchased.   
 


	4. Reminiscence

Saturday morning, Thomas strained himself to get out of bed, get dressed, and head over to Minho’s for his “Graduation Breakfast Extravaganza.” He hadn’t slept well after delicately wrapping Newt’s present, and the exhaustion from this week was finally starting to set in. By the time he’d arrived the others were already there. They’d just finished the final touches on breakfast preparations. 

“There he is!” Minho shouted as Thomas stepped through the door, “I was about to come over and drag your shuck ass over here myself.” 

Thomas breathed a laugh, “Sorry, just catching up on sleep from yesterday.” It’d become so easy to lie about his sleeping habits lately. 

“Well get over here Thomas,” Brenda said as she gestured him over to the empty seat next to her at the table, “Saved you a spot.” 

“Thanks Brenda,” Thomas nodded, throwing his shoes off and the door and making his way over. “Sorry I wasn’t over soon enough to help with breakfast.” 

“S’alright Tommy,” Newt chimed in, throwing an understanding smile in his direction. He paused, as if questioning whether or not to say something, before his smile grew. “After last time it’s probably better you stayed out of the kitchen.” 

“Hey!” Thomas whined, looking to Newt in playful shock, “It wasn’t that bad.” 

“Wasn’t that bad?!” Teresa cackled as she nearly choked on her water, “You spilled the entire bag of flour on the floor!” 

Brenda joined in as she leaned back and casually wrapped her arm around Teresa’s shoulders, “And don’t forget when you went to clean it up with a broom and knocked over that bowl of blueberries.” 

Minho nodded solemnly, eyes shut as he folded his hands on top of the table, “A tragic day in the Park household.” 

Laughter swelled in the room. Thomas rolled his eyes, crossing his arms and sinking lower into his chair. He let out a heavy sigh, shaking his head at the memory of himself on his hands and knees, scrubbing a towel aggressively against Minho’s kitchen floor. Blueberry stains were not easy to get out. As the noise started to die down, Thomas glanced over to Newt to find him staring. 

Newt threw Thomas an empathetic smirk, as if to reassure Thomas that they were only kidding. And as much as Thomas tried to keep up his annoyed face, he couldn’t help but smile back at Newt. The blonde chuckled, the gentle sound sending a wave of comfort through him. 

“Okay, okay,” Brenda said, reaching for the plate that held the heaping pile of pancakes of all kinds, “Pancake time.” She grabbed top few chocolate chip ones from the selection before adding a few blueberry pancakes to Teresa’s plate. The dish slowly made its way around the table, until all five plates were stuffed full with food. 

Most of the meal was spent eating in silence, everyone too busy stuffing their mouths to try talking. But here and there, someone would bring up a memory of one of their old classes or professors, or laugh about that one Friday night from last semester. This was their last meal before graduating, and the realization that they’d all part ways was finally starting to sink in. The desperate need to reminisce on old times grew stronger throughout the meal, and the group became more talkative. 

But as everyone else got more involved in the conversation, Thomas only seemed to leave it. He’d been cheerful at first, but quickly started to fade out from the group as more and more stories were shared of their old times on campus. Nobody seemed to notice, really, too caught up in the conversation to see that something was off. 

It wasn’t until Teresa nudged Thomas’ foot under the table that he was pulled from the hazy thoughts he’d fallen into. He jerked slightly, but not enough for anyone else to spot. Scanning the table, Thomas tried to figure out who’d bumped him until he found himself locking eyes with Teresa. She stared at him with concern, eyebrows slightly furrowed as she studied his face intently. 

_Are you okay?_ She mouthed to him from around Brenda. Her head tilted slightly as she did so, trying to get a better view of Thomas’ expression. 

Thomas’ mouth fell open slightly, not really sure how to answer her question. In a physical sense, yes he was fine. Mental sense? Could be better. Emotional? Absolutely terrible, if he was being quite honest. With every memory that somebody shared, all it did was hit Thomas hard in the heart with the reminder that he won’t being seeing all of his friends anymore. Not daily, at least. 

Brenda and Teresa had both gotten job offers from nearby, only a thirty minute drive from here. Minho got an offer a little farther away, about two hours. He wanted to stay closer but his type of work required him to be closer to one of the more major cities in the region. 

As for Thomas, he was staying at the university. He’d been accepted into the school’s Master’s program to study environmental and evolutionary biology under one of his favorite professors from undergrad. Thomas was thrilled when he’d been accepted, and even more excited when he found out that the others had gotten job offers so close to where he’d be. 

But then there was Newt, and their night under the stars. The night Newt had told Thomas that he was moving back to London after graduation. Just before the semester started, he’d been offered a position at a very prestigious astronomy laboratory in London, not far from his family’s home. He planned on living with his parents until he could earn enough money to pay for his own place. 

Thomas kicked himself nearly every day for feeling so angry about Newt leaving. How could he be that selfish? Newt was…everything to him and to watch him succeed and move on to bigger and better things should be exciting for Thomas. He was proud of Newt, of course, and very happy that Newt was going to see his family again after being away for so long, but…

Thomas just couldn’t help but wonder how long it’d be until he saw Newt again. He knew it’d probably be a while, with both of them constantly working in their respective laboratories on either side of the world. And in all honesty, Thomas wasn’t sure if he’d be able to handle the nights alone. For the last four years, Newt was always there for him. After everyone else went to sleep and the world fell silent, Thomas was able to find refuge from his problems and forget about them all with Newt. 

And now Newt was leaving, and…Thomas would have to spend his nights alone. No more working on homework together, no more complaining of idiotic classes, no more laughing about what’d happened earlier that day, no more late night cooking, no more watching Newt paint, no more helping each other with life’s challenges, no more anything. 

So no, Thomas wasn’t okay. He wasn’t okay at all. How could he be, when Newt was going to leave him, possibly forever? How could he possibly be expected to be okay right now?!

Thomas ignored his own questions raging in his mind, and chose to push them away instead. He looked back at Teresa, who’d been waiting patiently for an answer while Brenda and Minho bickered in the background over who’d gotten the highest grade in one of their introductory classes freshman year. 

_Yeah_ , Thomas mouthed back to her, _I’m okay_.


	5. Other Half

Nearly every seat in the auditorium was filled by students, parents, and family by the time the ceremony started. The students, with boys dressed in their brown gowns and girls dressed in forest green gowns, were all assigned their own seats closest to the stage. Much to the group’s dismay, the arrangement of seats was done alphabetically by last name. 

In other words, Thomas was as far from his friends as he possibly could be. With the last name Agnes, Teresa was way up in the front row of the seating, with Newt a handful of rows behind her. Thomas was right in the middle of the crowd of students, a few rows ahead of Minho and Brenda. Those two were only one row apart, with Minho just behind Brenda. Lucky shanks. 

Thomas spent a majority of the ceremony lost in his own thoughts, with only the names of his friends pulling him out of his daydreams. He gladly cheered for Teresa as she worked the staged with confidence, and laughed when she blew a kiss to Brenda. He never really realized how large their graduating class was, not until after it took over forty minutes before they finally got to Newt. 

As he stepped onto the stage and walked towards the center, Thomas let out a loud cheer and wave his hand in the air. From the corner of his eye, he could see Teresa doing the same from the front row. After grabbing his diploma, Newt glanced out to the audience and beamed when he spotted his friends, waving back to them as he made his way towards the stairs. 

Thomas’ heart raced in his chest as he caught Newt’s smile and the way the stage lights seemed to make him glow. He was radiant, and Thomas felt a rush of pride surge through him as he watched Newt wave back at him in glee. The image of Newt grinning at him from onstage occupied his thoughts up until he heard his own name being called from the podium. 

“Thomas Stephen Murphy.” 

Hands shaking with adrenaline, Thomas stepped up onto the stairs on the stage and received his diploma and a few firm handshakes. Rolled paper in hand, Thomas turned out towards the audience, searching for familiar faces. Teresa was the easiest to find, considering she was only mere feet from him sitting in the front row. She wore a bright smile on her face as she reached up to wipe a tear from the corner of her eye. 

Thomas spotted his parents second, their arms raised in triumph as his dad waved his camcorder wildly and cheered his name. A chuckle escaped his lips at the sight of the crumbled tissue in his mom’s hand. Brenda’s and Minho’s were the next faces Thomas found, or at least who he thought was them. The stage lights were so bright that they dimmed the faces of those closer to the back, but he had a feeling he knew which figures were them when a pair of students stood on top of their chairs and waved their hats in the air. 

And then Thomas found Newt. 

Newt wasn’t standing on his chair or waving or crying like the others. Instead, his eyes were locked on Thomas with fierce determination, as if he’d been spending all his energy in attempt to make Thomas look at him. On his face he wore the widest smile Thomas had ever seen, the absolute joy on his face unmistakable.   
As Thomas turned to walk off the stage, he kept his eyes locked with Newt’s. He grinned back at the blonde in the audience, reaching up with his free hand to wave at him. Even from here, Thomas could see Newt’s shoulders shake as he laughed and waved back. Another rush of adrenaline pulsed through him, making his heart leap. 

The exhilaration of walking across the stage in front of all those people was nothing compared to the pride in Newt’s smile as Thomas guided himself across the stage. The rest of the ceremony passed in a blur, with the exception of Minho’s and Brenda’s names being called. Other than them, Thomas spent the remainder of the time thinking about Newt. His smile, his laugh, the way he seemed to radiate the stage with light. 

Thomas sunk into himself at the thought of losing him, it was like losing the sun. 

He didn’t remember much of the pictures they all took after the ceremony was finished, or anything from when his friends and their families all went out to dinner together at a nearby restaurant. Before he knew it, Thomas was back at his own place, changing out of his graduation attire and laying them flat across his bed so they wouldn’t get wrinkled. 

He changed his clothes, brushed his teeth, and pulled out his gift for Newt that he’d stayed up carefully wrapping the night before. But instead of leaving for Teresa’s, he just sat at the table with the gift sitting in front of him. Thomas stared at it intently, dreading his final night with Newt. It’s not that he didn’t want to go, he absolutely did. He just wasn’t ready for these nights to end. Not yet. 

Thomas hadn’t really noticed how long he’d been sitting there until a sudden pounding on the front door caused him to jump from his chair. He quickly shuffled to the door and opened it, still dazed from the trance he’d just fallen out of. “Teresa,” Thomas breathed, a hand on his heart to steady his breathing, “Shit, what time is it?” 

“Time to go,” Teresa said, flashing the time on her phone at him. “What’s taking so long? You were supposed to meet me at my place before we head over to Newt’s.” 

“I, uh,” Thomas stammered, unsure of what to say, “Yeah, sorry. Just lost track of time I guess.” 

“Tom,” Teresa sighed as she slid past the door and stepped inside. She put a hand on the front door and pushed it shut before guiding Thomas towards the kitchen and sitting him down at the table. “What’s going on?” 

Thomas frowned. “What do you mean?” 

“Something isn’t right,” Teresa said, her eyebrows furrowing as her face morphed into one of great concern, “You’ve been so…withdrawn this week. And I’m not the only one who noticed. So what’s wrong?” 

Thomas could feel his heart rate picking up as panic began to set in. He knew he hasn’t really been himself lately, and he knows exactly why that is, but he didn’t think anyone had really noticed. “I…”

Teresa reached over and put her hand on top of Thomas’, giving him a comforting squeeze. “You can talk to me, Tom.” 

As his panic grew, Thomas searched Teresa’s eyes and found nothing but kindness and genuine worry. He didn’t realized he’d made his friends so concerned about him, he never wanted to hurt anyone. Nobody except for himself. Thomas’ eyes fell down towards the table in defeat as he let out a heavy sigh. “Newt.” 

“What about him?” Teresa said, gently rubbing Thomas’ wrist back and forth in attempt to alleviate some of his very apparent tension, “Are you upset he’s leaving?” 

Thomas opened his mouth to answer, but no words came out. All he could bring himself to do was to nod his head a few times without moving his gaze from the center of the wooden table. 

“It’s okay to feel that way,” Teresa said, her voice growing softer as she saw the tears forming in Thomas’ eyes, “We’re all going to miss him.” 

“No,” Thomas shook his head, closing his eyes as he let out a shuddering breath. “It’s…it’s not the same.” 

“What’s not the same?” 

“How I feel.” 

Teresa cocked her head in confusion, pausing before carefully piecing together her next words. “How is what you feel different?” 

Thomas inhaled a sharp breath and held it as his gaze suddenly shifted towards the ceiling. His eyes blinked very rapidly, as if to prevent the tears that pooled in the corners of his eyes from spilling down his face. A shuddered breath escaped his lips as he tried to form an answer. “Y-you don’t understand.” 

At the crack in Thomas’ voice, Teresa’s face contorted with sadness and a desperation to make Thomas feel better. Both of her hands were now on top of his. Her ginger voice barely came out above a whisper, “Then help me understand.” 

“What if,” Thomas started, unsure of how to phrase his question, “What if I d-don’t understand either?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“W-what if…what if I don’t know what I’m going to do without him? What does it mean if I feel like I’m losing my other half?” Tears now fell freely down Thomas’ cheeks as he spoke, but he didn’t move to wipe them away. “What if he was the reason I made it this far, and the reason I want to keep going? What does it mean if I want more than anything in the world to see him happy?” 

Teresa sat in a silent shock, eyes wide. But she didn’t speak and let Thomas continue. 

“When I’m happy, I go to him. When I’m sad, I go to him. When I’m feeling angry, confused, frustrated, excited, nervous, or just flat-out bored…I always go to _him_. And whenever I go, he’s always there for me. It’s only right that I be there for him. Every day I see him upset and I just want to hold him and tell him it’s going to be okay. He deserves to be happy and I want to be there to make sure he is…but now he won’t be here…”

Teresa blinked, a single tear escaping her eye. “Tom…” 

“…He’s not gonna be here, and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to live a life w-without him, Teresa.” 

“Thomas-“ 

“What does that mean?” Thomas cried, finally looking Teresa in the eyes in pleading desperation, “What do you call that?” 

“Tom, listen to me,” Teresa said, reaching up to place her hands gently on either of Thomas’ shoulders. She offered him a comforting smile as she slowly traced circles with her thumbs to calm Thomas down. 

“Teresa please, what does that mean?” Thomas pleaded, another pair of tears rolling down his face. 

Teresa squeezed his shoulders, letting out a soft laugh. 

“What?” Thomas asked, confused by her reaction. 

“It’s love, Tom,” Teresa whispered softly, “That’s love.” 

Thomas frowned, “But I love _all_ of you.” 

Teresa smiled before gently shaking her head. “No, this is a different kind of love.” 

“Different?” Thomas repeated, Teresa’s words sinking deep into his mind and clouding his thoughts. He sat there for a long time in silence, pondering what that could mean and everything it had meant in the past. Slowly, like putting on a pair of glasses for the first time, he suddenly began to see things more clearly. 

Teresa could see it too, the way his expression morphed from fear to curiosity. “You should tell him,” She said, pulling away and standing from the table. She offered a hand, and Thomas took it. Together they walked towards the front door, Teresa grabbing what she assumed was Newt’s gift from Thomas on their way out. “Tell him what you told me, before he leaves. Okay?” 

Thomas stared at her, still overwhelmed from their conversation. Anticipation fluttered in his stomach as he stepped outside and locked his door, following Teresa to her car parked down the street. 

_This is a different kind of love._


	6. Tranquility

The party Minho had planned for Newt ended up being an evening trip to the nearby beach. After Teresa picked up Thomas, they’d both gone over to Newt’s. From there, Minho had everyone pile into his car before driving to his “undisclosed party location.” 

They stopped along the way to pick up some pizzas, arriving at the shoreline just minutes later. As a group, they all sat in a line on the beach while music from Minho’s radio played, towels stretched out beneath them to protect their food from the sand. All five of them ate until they were full, which they promptly regretted doing after Brenda insisted they play volleyball with one of the pre-set nets on the sand. 

Brenda and Teresa won by a landslide, even when Minho stopped posing as referee and joined Newt and Thomas’ team. And when the girls began to rub it in just one too many times, they’d all gotten pulled into a water fight down by the ocean. At some points the group split, some people walking along the shore, with others staying in one spot and searching for the largest seashells they could find. Teresa even spotted a pod of dolphins hunting for fish along the sandbar, and they all stopped to watch and cheer whenever a fish was caught. 

After watching the sun set beneath the horizon’s line, the group reconvened near the path they took to get to the beach. The area had the shape of a crescent, surrounded by tall grasses that danced gently with the ocean breeze. Minho had started a small fire, and whipped out the graham crackers, marshmallows, and chocolates he’d stash in the trunk of the car for everyone to share. 

With marshmallows on sticks form nearby bushes, the group each cooked their own desserts with the heat from the flames. Laughter broke out when Thomas managed to catch his first three marshmallows on fire. “Classic Thomas,” Minho laughed as he threw a handful of marshmallows at Thomas. 

And then, once everyone finished eating, it came time for Newt’s gifts. “What is all this?” Newt asked, a perplexed expression overcoming his face as all of his friends ran back to Minho’s car to grab the presents they’d hid in the trunk. 

“Going-away presents,” Minho said like it was an obvious answer, “Duh.” 

“For me?” Newt asked, eyeing all the large boxes sitting in everyone’s laps around the fire. 

“Of course for you, silly,” Teresa giggled, shoving her box towards Newt. “Did you really expect us not to get you anything before you leave?” 

“As a matter of fact, yes,” Newt answered with a roll of his eyes, but unsuccessful at hiding his excited smile. With the slightest hesitation, Newt reached over and accepted the gift box from Teresa. He worked his way around the circle, leaving Thomas last. 

Teresa had gotten Newt his very own copies of the books he often borrowed from her to read, Minho had bought him a huge assortment of easy-to-carry foods, candies, and trinkets not often sold in Europe, while Brenda gave Newt a new sketchbook with a very nice leather cover. It felt as though Thomas’ heart was about to leap out of his chest when Newt reached for the box in his lap. 

He really hoped nobody else could hear the loud thudding in his chest that seemed to be drowning out the world around him. Time seemed to slow as Newt ripped off the wrapping paper and toss it aside, Thomas’ patience growing thin. He hoped Newt would love it. He really hoped more than anything that Newt would love it. 

“Oh my god,” Newt gasped as he finally uncovered the front of the large and heavy box. He ran his hand slowly across the image displayed, shaking his head in disbelief. “Tommy…”

Thomas let out the breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding as he scooted closer to Newt and looked at the box. The image of the high-quality ultra-lens telescope was plastered across the front, along with a detailed description of all of its intricate functions and abilities. The clerk at the store said that this was the nicest and newest one available in their store, so Thomas paid out of pocket to get it. It was a little on the expensive end, but the look of astonishment on Newt’s face as he stared was worth it. 

“Do…do you like it?” Thomas asked after a long silence of Newt staring at the box in awe. He could barely hear himself speak over the sound of his own heartbeat. 

“Like it?” Newt laughed loudly, head shooting to look at Thomas, “Tommy I…I don’t…I don’t know what to say…I love it, but…this must’ve cost you a fortune.” 

Thomas smiled back, “Hey don’t worry about that, I picked it out just for you.” 

Newt laughed again, still in a state of shock, as he carefully placed the large box onto the sand and threw himself onto Thomas. “I _love_ it, Tommy. Thank you.” 

Taken aback by Newt’s gesture, Thomas slowly embraced him back, burying his face into Newt’s shoulder. He smelled of ocean spray and pine. 

“We should try it tonight,” Newt said, his inner child coming through. 

Thomas couldn’t help but chuckle at the sight. “Uh, yeah sure. If you want.” 

“Come on!” Newt said, practically dragging Thomas by the wrist down the beach, “We can set it up at the dock, it’s not that far!” 

“Hey, don’t take too long Newt!” Minho called from the fire, amusement laced in his voice as he shouted, “We have another surprise for you in a few!” 

“Good that!” Newt shouted back, still jogging through the sand with Thomas and the telescope in tow. 

Within minutes the pair arrived at the dock, quickly taking to unpackaged the telescope and setting it up at the end of the wooden pier. They were a good two hundred feet from shore, the only lights in sight being the distant orange glow of Minho’s fire and the rounded luminescent figure of the moon hanging above. They’d used their phones’ flashlights to light the box as they’d opened it, shutting them off as soon as they were finished. 

“Okay,” Newt said, stepping back and placing his hands on his waist, “I think she’s ready.” 

“Go for it,” Thomas said, gesturing towards the waiting telescope. “It’s _your_ gift, you should go first.” 

Without much hesitation, Newt excitedly stepped up and leaned forward. With one eye shut and the other hovering just over the exterior lens, Newt placed both hands gingerly on either side of the telescope. He made minor adjustments here and there, making inaudible noises as he muttered to himself under his breath. 

It took a few moments for Thomas to realize that he was naming constellations, stars, and planets as he spotted them. He smiled at the sight. Another few minutes passed of Newt naming off everything he could see before he finally spoke up to Thomas. 

“When people look to the sky, they don’t see what I see,” Newt said suddenly, unmoving from where he stared into the telescope, “They see billions of stars and planets and comets and all they do is let their fear of the unknown consume them. It’s okay to be scared, sometimes, but so many people let that fear control them, and prevent them from seeing the collateral beauty right before our eyes.” 

Thomas sat in silence, caught in a trance of Newt’s words. He leaned against the wooden railing, the sounds of the crashing ocean waves below blending with Newt’s voice as he spoke. 

“You know what I see?” Newt said, his voice still soft despite the increase in volume, “When I look up there?” 

Thomas looked up at the stars that lined the entire sky. “What?” 

“Tranquility,” Newt answered, smiling softly to himself as he re-adjusted the telescope. “Have you ever seen something as pristine, as untouched, as the night sky? Every living creature that has ever walked this planet has looked into the sky and has seen the same stars. It’s another world up there, one where time doesn’t matter and everything is preserved, and the white lights of forever fill the air.” 

“I…never thought of it like that,” Thomas said, eyes searching the sky for Newt’s words. 

“Most people don’t,” Newt said, standing up from the telescope and joining Thomas by the railing. “I guess I just…feel more connected to it in some kind of way. You know that feeling you get when you come home after a long time away?” 

“Mhm,” Thomas nodded, shuddering at the warmth of Newt’s body next to his. Thomas’ gaze had slowly fallen towards Newt when the boy approached. He’d never noticed how smooth Newt’s skin appear in the moonlight before, or how its glow bounced off his hair in perfect waves. 

“I think it feels like that, looking up at the stars,” Newt suggested, shifting the weight on his legs from one to the other. “Like a familiar place, a place that feels like home.” 

“Yeah,” Thomas whispered as he studied Newt’s face and the way the stars seemed to shine in his eyes like his very own galaxy. Was it getting harder to breath? “Me too.” 

Newt turned to Thomas, a smile forming on his lips to accompany the growing frown on his face. “What do you mean?” 

Thomas swore the pounding in his chest grew even louder as he felt his palms grow sweaty. He let out a heavy sigh, trying his best to cover the shudder in his breath. “You said the stars are your home. I feel like that too, sometimes, but not just because of the stars.” 

Newt remained silent, smile slowly fading as he caught on to the growing seriousness in Thomas’ voice. 

_You should tell him_. 

“It’s because when we look at the stars, _you’re_ always there,” Thomas forced out, suddenly losing the ability to look at Newt. He quickly shifted so he was staring out towards the ocean, where the stars and water surface collided. 

_Tell him what you told me_. 

“Newt,” Thomas said, sucking in a deep breath in attempt to calm the raging nerves inside him, “You’re my home.” 

_Before he leaves_. 

“And…I don’t know what home will be without you here with me,” Thomas admitted, his head sinking lowing as his shoulders folded in on himself. He wanted to curl up in a ball and hide. 

A silence fell between them as Thomas caved into himself and Newt stared on helplessly, eyes wide with shock and mouth hanging open. For a while, the only sound that broke the heavy silence was the murmurs of the ocean waves below. They struck the poles that held the dock above water, sending the smallest of vibrations running from their feet and up their bodies. 

“Tommy,” Newt said, gently raising a hand to place on Thomas’ shoulder. He pushed slightly, Thomas failing to put up a fight as Newt turned his body so that they were facing each other again. “It’s not forever, and we’ll be able to talk whenever we want.” 

“I know,” Thomas said, his eyes still aimed at the wooden planks beneath them despite Newt’s adjustment, “But it won’t be the same.” 

“No,” Newt agreed sadly, “It won’t. But you know what?” 

“Hm?” 

“We share the same sky, no matter where we are. The stars I study will be the same ones you see every single night. I’ll always be here, whether you can see me or not. Just look up to the stars and you’ll know I’m there,” Newt said, a single tear falling from his eye. “It can be _our_ home, yeah?” 

“A home away from home,” Thomas whispered, his gaze drifting back up towards Newt’s. With a sudden surge of confidence, he reached up and placed his hand against Newt’s cheek. “Newt?” 

Newt didn’t flinch under Thomas’ sudden touch, but instead locked eyes with him and never broke it his stare. The moonlight glistened in his eyes as he spoke, “Tommy?” 

Taking a step closer, Thomas watched carefully for Newt’s reaction. He caught Newt doing the same, his eyes studying Thomas’ face with intricate delicacy. A rush of adrenaline pulsed through Thomas’ body when he caught Newt glancing down towards his lips for just the shortest moment. 

And then that feeling overcame him again. 

The same feeling he always got when he saw Newt smile, heard Newt laugh, or welcomed Newt’s embrace. The same exhilaration when he saw Newt onstage at the ceremony or tonight under the moonlight, his eyes aglow with beauty he’d never seen. Thomas never knew what to do with those feelings, not until now. 

_This is a different kind of love._

“Newt, I…” Thomas said, their faces just a mere few inches apart now, “I wanted you to know, uh, before you left, that…”

“Yeah?” Newt said, seemingly unaware of how close they’d gotten to each other. 

“I think I’m in love with you,” Thomas admitted with a release of the breath he’d held. A chill ran through his body, his hands shaking in fear as he waited for Newt’s reaction. He started to feel himself fall into a dark abyss as Newt stared him down, his face unreadable. 

But just as Thomas was about to give up hope, Newt closed the distance between their lips. 

The kiss was so gentle, and innocent. Newt had reached up to cup Thomas’ face, releasing a sigh as Thomas did the same with his other hand. A new kind of thrill rushed through Thomas’ body, accompanied with a strangely familiar, yet comfortable sensation. When they finally broke apart, they both stared at each other with wide eyes. 

Out of breath, Newt beamed with relief at Thomas with the largest smile he’d ever given him. And as he opened his mouth to speak, another tear streak down his blushing face. “You have no idea how long I’ve waited to do that.” 

Thomas laughed, the tension that had built in his body finally releasing. He surged forward and embraced Newt tightly, one hand on the back of Newt’s head. 

“Hey Tommy?” Newt said with his own face buried into Thomas’ shoulder.

“Yeah, Newt?”

“I fancy you too.” 

Before Thomas could answer, Newt pulled Thomas back into another kiss, this one deeper and filled with longing. They both seemed like they were going to stay there forever, locked in this moment the way the stars strewn across the sky. 

But the loud boom that suddenly echoed through the sky caused them to jump and turn around, searching for the source. They found their answer when the sky lit up with reds, greens, and blues falling in all directions. Minho’s surprise had been fireworks. 

Thomas laughed, stepping up beside Newt as they watched the dancing colors with wonder. With a natural grace, he intertwined his own hand with Newt’s. They both smiled as the sparks blended with the stars that lit the sky, becoming one everlasting light above them. 

“Welcome home,” Thomas said, turning his head to face Newt. 

Newt smiled, squeezing Thomas’ hand. “I never left.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading it means so much!!! Seriously though I hope you all had as much fun reading this as I did writing this. TMRSS18 has been great so far and I'm SO excited to see everyone elses' works. 
> 
> And also a BIG thank you to Bridge and Dreams for setting this whole thing up!!! You both did a marvelous job and I love you both so much <3


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